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Supporting children who have experienced trauma 

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A father puts his hand on his son's shoulder as they walk together outside.

Parenting a child who has experienced foster care can come with unique challenges and emotions. Your child may be carrying the lingering effects from early trauma or loss or struggling with common adoption issues. If you are seeking mental health services for your child, consider these suggestions. 

Understand your child’s history  

Understanding your child’s history helps you find relevant support. A child’s history may reveal significant losses—of family, trusted adults, friends, pets, and others. Adoption itself brings core issues such as grief and loss. Supporting your child through grief helps them heal, and some treatments specifically help children process grief and loss. 

If your child could have been exposed to drugs or alcohol before birth, you may want to consider whether your child could have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). FASD is often undiagnosed, and your child may need an assessment. The article “Parenting a Child with FASD” gives caregivers insight into children’s behaviors and offers practical strategies for effective responses. 

Their history may also reveal any diagnoses your child has received and past treatments that have helped. Remember that mental health can change over time. Keep in mind that professionals sometimes label children who have experienced trauma with other disorders when they are actually living with developmental trauma disorder. 

Consider therapeutic parenting 

Trauma-responsive parenting strategies equip caregivers to support young people who experience trauma. Learn more about trauma-responsive parenting, including these key ideas: 

  • Understanding trauma and loss as brain injuries 
  • Putting connection before correction 
  • Considering the child’s developmental stage  

You can also look for resources like training, parent groups, and adoption counseling that focus on parenting children who have experienced trauma and loss. Learn more about how to support children with sensory sensitivities in the article “How Adoption-Informed Interventions Can Help with Behavioral Management.”

Consider your child’s wishes 

Many children adopted from foster care have had little control over their lives or the services they received. This loss of control can make challenges worse, so it is important to engage your child. Based on their age and abilities, talk with them about their feelings and what help they would like. This tip sheet for parents, written by young people, may help guide your discussions. When talking with your child, keep these things in mind: 

  • Share with them that many people need help from time to time. 
  • Talk about your own experiences with therapy if you have them. 
  • If your child is reluctant, explore whether telehealth is a good fit. 
  • Do not talk about therapy as punishment. 
  • Do not suggest that you are trying to fix your child. 

In some cases, taking a break from therapy may be best for children who have already had a lot of counseling. If you do not have immediate safety concerns, a break can show that you respect your child’s wishes and can help your relationship. 

Once you are using services, listen carefully if your child expresses dislike of the provider or the treatment. Having a good relationship with a provider is important for any treatment to succeed. 

Don’t wait to seek support 

Do not wait for a crisis. Early interventions lead to better outcomes. The Cradle outlines seven situations when it may be time to engage a therapist, including: 

  • Your child is having trouble at school. 
  • You need help telling your child about their history. 
  • Your child has questions about their identity. 
  • Something feels off. 

Choosing a provider 

When seeking mental health support, the first step is to make sure the provider has a deep understanding of the complexity of adoption. Learn more in “How to Find an Adoption-Competent Therapist.” 

To find an adoption-competent provider, you can: 

  • Search the national provider directory of professionals who have completed adoption-competency training. 
  • Ask your state’s post-adoption support provider if they offer counseling or have a list of providers. 
  • Ask other adoptive parents for recommendations. Your agency may be able to help you connect with other parents. 

Asking key questions early on can help you understand if a provider is a good fit for your family. The following questions can help you find the best support. 

  • How many other adoptive families do they work with? What themes have they seen? 
  • What training have they had in adoption or trauma? 
  • How do they engage parents and family members in services? 
  • What experience do they have with families like yours? 
  • What specific treatments do they use? 
  • How and when do they assess progress? 

Consider what type of treatments 

Mental health support can mean different things, including talk therapy, play therapy, and family counseling. It is also good to consider alternatives. Art, music, and rhythmic activities such as drumming can often help. The National Council for Adoption article “Exploring Medication for Adopted Children” explains that hiking, sports, gardening, and caring for animals can sometimes be more beneficial than medication or therapy. 

The best options will depend on your family’s needs. Talk with your post-adoption service provider, your child’s doctor, and potential care providers about what services might be useful based on your experiences. 

Remember that relationships are key to healing 

Trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk said, “The parent-child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind.” As you seek support for your child and family, look for services that focus on attachment and the parent-child relationship. Healing from trauma and loss is the work of the entire family. 

Additional resources 

If you would like to learn more about adoption-competent care, trauma-informed parenting, and mental health supports for children adopted from foster care, explore these helpful resources: 

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