Sandra and Jorge Mendez adopted two children, Emily and Michael, from foster care in 2019. This fall, we followed up with the family to hear how things are going. Emily, now 18, has just started college. Michael, 24, is working full-time and living at home while preparing to move out on his own.
Lessons in healing and growth
Sandra and Jorge say they’ve approached parenting Emily and Michael just as they did with their three biological children—with the openness and honesty that build trust. But they learned that the effects of early trauma meant that their children responded to some situations in unexpected ways.
“When children experience trauma, it triggers a fight-or-flight response that affects their brains and their emotional development. So, they are going to react differently than other kids,” Sandra said.
Jorge added: “We learned to step back and pause to understand the why behind their reactions before we react. And to not take their behavior personally. Which can be hard to do!”
Supporting birth family relationships
Emily and Michael lived with their biological brothers, who now live in Washington state, for the first several years of their lives. Today, the siblings stay in contact through phone calls, a group chat, and, of course, social media. The brothers attended Emily’s high school graduation this past summer.
“As long as those relationships are healthy, we support them. If Emily and Michael weren’t in touch with their brothers, they would always wonder about them. And those unresolved issues could affect the dynamic of the family we are building together,” Sandra said.
Looking back—and toward the future
As they celebrate their children’s milestones and watch them step into adulthood, Sandra and Jorge feel proud—not only of what Michael and Emily have accomplished, but of the strong family they’ve built and the legacy they envision.
“We’re not just changing a life,” Sandra said. “What we’re investing in Michael and Emily will carry forward for generations.”
Jorge added: “Some people see an apple. I see an orchard.”
Learn more
Read the Mendez family’s journey from fostering to adoption finalization in Sandra’s 2021 letter on our blog.
Learn more about the effects of trauma on children in “Understanding Adverse Childhood Experiences” on the CDC website.
Find tips and resources in “Understanding Trauma-Responsive Parenting.”
Learn more about how to help children maintain contact with their birth family.