Kelley Cooper’s career in child welfare began by chance, but her impact has been anything but accidental, as evidenced by the praise she received from the family who nominated her for an outstanding caseworker feature.
“Kelley was amazing as we worked to get our 17-year-old son home with us and through the adoption process…She really went above and beyond to make sure the adoption was completed as smoothly and quickly as possible,” they wrote.
We talked with the foster care and Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) team leader from Knox County, Tennessee. Here’s what Cooper had to say about her 17-year career in child welfare.
Q: What do you feel this family means when they say you “went above and beyond” to get their teenage son back with them?
A: I wish I could take as much credit as this family is giving me! They were successful because they were all-in from day one. The boy had mental health struggles from earlier trauma and went into residential care two or three times while he was placed with them. But through it all, they never lost touch and remained committed to him. No matter what happened, they always told me, “He’s our son.”
Honestly, there was more hesitation on my part. I have a 17-year history of working with families that makes me want to move slower. I wanted to make sure that this move was his last move. And it was. He was adopted by the family this [past] April. On his adoption day, he was the happiest that I had ever seen him. He’s a smiley kid. But that day, it was different.
Q: You’ve been doing this work for 17 years. What attracted you to child welfare—and what keeps you doing it?
A: This might not be the answer you are looking for, but I started working for the state because I needed a job with insurance! I was teaching at a little private school, and I had just had a baby. A friend suggested that I look into working with the state. When I applied for the job, my daughter was eight days old. I wasn’t even cleared by my doctor to drive! My husband had to take me to the interview.
As it turned out, working in foster care adoptions was the right job for me. I really enjoy the in-depth relationships that I form with families—both the adoptive and the birth families—and being part of creating positive change.
Q: What are your favorite types of days on the job?
A: Adoption days are always sweet, especially when the kids are older. The kids are mature enough to have a say in the process [and] to reciprocate the match.
But reunification days are truly my favorite days. If a parent has done the hard work necessary to get their child back, they’ve demonstrated that they’ll be less likely to throw their hands up when issues arise in the future.
Q: You noted that the commitment of the family who nominated you was an important component of their success. What other qualities contribute to a successful adoption?
A: Children in foster care have experienced trauma. A parent adopting from foster care needs to understand that a child’s mental health isn’t something they can fix.
It’s not like a rubber band that bounces back. People have to be open to parenting children who have experienced trauma differently, because their brains are wired differently as a result of that trauma. And they need to understand that parenting is a long-term commitment—not one that ends when a child turns 18. I guess that’s true for a lot of us! I’m 43 years old, and I still need my mommy. I call her before I make any important life decisions!
Also, it’s important to be open to establishing relationships with birth parents. I had one foster parent who invited a birth mom over to their home to cook and have dinner together. Of course, it doesn’t have to be that involved. It can be as simple as, “Hey, I got an email from your mom, do you want to read it?” Just something to let the child know that their birth family is okay. Because as good as an adoptive parent is, a child is always going to wonder about their birth parents.
Q: Do you have any last thoughts for prospective parents?
A: The most important thing for parents to remember is that every child is different. The care you give them needs to be unique to them.
To be successful, you have to understand what they need and figure out how to meet them where they are.