Jamarri “Sugar” Kane-White remembers the moment he started considering himself a misfit.
“I didn’t really know what [foster care] meant,” he said. “I just remember being in the back of a car being taken away from my mom.”
For the next decade, Kane-White moved between several foster and group homes before being adopted in 2020. Rather than lamenting his past, he welcomes the strengths and skills he developed during that time.
Kane-White is working to transform his lived experiences into a legacy. By embracing what he once thought marked him as an outsider, he found a community and a passion.
“I realized my ordeals were far from exclusive to me and that I was in a unique position to start using my voice,” he said.
The recent Howard University graduate has used that voice to advocate for other youth experiencing foster care, all while building an impressive resume. He completed a congressional internship where he penned a report on the importance of kinship care, serves as a spokesperson for AdoptUSKids speakers bureau, was awarded the Right Direction award from the Office of the Attorney General for the District of Columbia, interned at the Foster and Adoptive Parent Advocacy Center, and now works as a youth engagement specialist at the National Center for Diligent Recruitment.
Here’s what he had to say about his time in care and what he wants others to know about how to best support other youth like himself.
Q: How did your experiences with foster care shape your sense of identity and belonging?
A: The foster care system really shaped my sense of belonging and identity by making me embrace myself. I was a misfit who had to keep switching schools, so eventually I started to learn about the company I’d like to keep versus what was in front of me.
Then I came to find out foster care isn’t the only thing that makes someone feel misfit and began belonging to groups of kids who were odd in their own ways and accepted it.
Q: How did your experiences in foster care influence your views on family and relationships?
A: It showed me that I need to be open-minded at all times. I’ve become the closest with people I thought I’d never talk to, who have since become my family.
It has been helpful to identify when things aren’t working for me in a given situation, when things are more stressful than beneficial, and when something has run its course such that it’s time to move on.
Q: How did you cope with all of those transitions and changes in your life, moving from one home to another?
A: I coped by focusing on things I could control. I had a little brother, and I was good at school, so I kept those things in the front of my mind.
My mother and birth family were also a constant, so I would plan to see [them and] my cousins and [other extended family] as much as possible.
Q: What do you wish prospective foster families knew before they decided to provide care for a child or youth?
A: What prospective foster parents should understand before they decide to foster a kid is that it’s not going to be as easy as you think.
And if you’re serious about taking care of a child, you shouldn’t [just pick] the babies. If you’ve got love to give, you should accept whoever walks across that threshold. Also, understand that the sour moods, outbursts, etc. are not reflective of how a child feels about you but is more about what they’ve already experienced.
Q: What advice do you have for other young people experiencing foster care?
A: A message I would give to kids in foster care is DO NOT let those circumstances consume your views of yourself and the world… There will be tough decisions, but your environment will influence you as much as you let it.
I would also suggest they read The Other Wes Moore: One Name, Two Fates by Wes Moore. I really liked how [this book] showed that an environment has a lot of influence. Initially, I wanted to challenge that and prove to myself and others that the circumstances and environment that followed me all my life could be dispelled if I displayed enough faith in my own willpower and determination and bet on myself. However, as I’ve grown older, I noticed that it wasn’t so much the willpower and determination but rather the environment that I built around myself (such as family, friends, and professional connections) that fueled the faith I had in my own abilities.
Q: Was there anyone who significantly impacted your life for the better while you were experiencing foster care?
A: One person who made a significant impact was my social worker Ms. Cheri Moore. I’d go on to say she may even be the backbone of the Child and Family Services Agency of the District of Columbia (CFSA.) She’s consistently working overtime and even showed up to my graduation.
Q: It sounds like she provided you with good memories. Are there any other positive memories that you had because of your experiences in foster care?
A: One memorable experience I’ll always have is of me and my [adoptive] parents meeting for the first time. We ate at a restaurant, and I had a slight tummy ache after taking a chance on lambchops, but the experience was still good! And look what it led to.
Q: As a Black young man, how did you navigate your racial identity within foster care?
A: I don’t feel as though my racial or cultural needs were overlooked at all, because I kept them in the discussion.
I missed out on a lot of classic movies and other pieces of culture, but I always maintained that I knew who I was. I never held any negative views about anyone who looked like me, especially those who came from the same places as me. Before my adoption, I’d only had Black caregivers, but even then, I always told them the kind of care products I used, etc., and they obliged.
Looking back, [my experiences with] foster care and group homes did give me [opportunity] to develop. I learned how to be headstrong, when to be stubborn, how to communicate respectfully on severe disagreements, and a lot of other things related to being self-sufficient.
My outlook on life [focuses on] adaptability and mastering the long game. Things you want to happen may not be happening now, which just means you need to find a way around or through.
Q: It sounds like advocating for yourself was a strength you developed. How has that shown up in your adult life?
A: A passion I’ve developed over the years is child welfare advocacy.
It became meaningful to me when I realized my ordeals were not exclusive to me and that I was in a unique position to start using my voice where others couldn’t.
Q: What are some of the issues you raise as you advocate for other youth like yourself?
A: [Child welfare workers] should have lesser workloads, so they can spread more empathy and focus on children and not let them slip through.
Schools and educators can support children in foster care by being accepting and understanding of the situation at hand and ensuring that faculty are generally aware [of that situation] so they can smooth their interactions with those children and drive home to them that there’s nothing wrong with being in foster care.
Also, financial support is a great help to and is severely crucial for kids transitioning out of foster care.
Another improvement the foster care system desperately needs is to pay more attention to kinship caregivers. I wrote my congressional report on this issue.
[And overall], the foster care system can better support the emotional and mental health of children in foster care by listening to them. Go into action when a youth feels unsafe, make sure to regularly check up on children, and stop expecting children to just be resilient because it’s [currently] a favorite [buzz] word.
What the system needs is to put actual lived experience at the forefront of all advocacy efforts, [rather than] folks with savior syndrome.
Q: The congressional report you mentioned writing is just one of your many impressive achievements. What motivates and inspires you in your daily life, and how do you stay focused on your goals?
A: What motivates and inspires me is the life I envision for myself and my loved ones. That, and the legacy I want to leave of serving my community. Plus, just knowing I’m helping is fulfilling. I keep those visions in front of me every day to keep going.
